No, I don’t think of her anymore !
Just randomly walking near the tracks of railway, it’s a mid night, a big moon just shining in the sky and as usual that moon always make me think of only one person but …..”but no i don’t think of her anymore” or I am trying to.
It’s around 12:35 am 18 August 2017, and suddenly my cellphone which was in my hand lights ups. I checked my cell and it’s was the worst notification ever…. actually it’s was the worst time to pop this notification. My eyes goes blurred because of tears, at that moment my heart beat just increased, it was a Google photos notification of 1 year agos memories. And the very first image is of her. Around 12:47 am, i am near a railway track where there is only noice of silence and my mind just trying to forget her in that noice, my all concentration was just ruined my one notification. From past 30 mins, i am just talking to my brain, “no, i don’t think of her anymore” “no, i don’t think of her anymore” “no , i don’t think of her anymore”.
It was all my mistake, i should clear that misunderstanding near about 1 year ago, when we were joying, taking care of each other, taking responsibility of each others and many more which is uncountable.
I can’t forgot, It’s was 10 am 23 March 2016, her result was in her hand, she was very happy for getting amazing marks in her competative exam, now she gonna be a officer in government service, she will get a big beautiful home, she will have servent and many more…
No doubt I am also happy with her, but something making me to think worried is that now she have to shift, now we have to go away from each other, now our bonding will not gonna be anymore what it’s was 10 mins ago.
And i was not ready for this.
Suddenly a big noice came….I look around , it’s the last train of today at 1:15 am 18 August 2017(out of flashback). After 10 sec when the train gone…again the noice of silence, shinning dark black night and beautiful big white moon forcing me to think of her!
The thing which i was trying to not come in between our relationship, is there since 1 year and it’s now looks permanent – DISTANCE
I was just trying to tell her that I can’t live in long distance, i want your face every day, i want your voice each minute. But in that conversation at 10:30 am 23 March 2016…..my worries became my anger, my love which says is can’t go away from her is now became my controlling to not allowing her to go.
My destination was pure, but my path was too bad. Which leads in result, what I was trying to avoid, that was starting to happen.
Now my ego start coming in frame, now my tone was getting rigid, now i forgetting my Principles of love NOW I STARTING TO CONTROL HER, NOW I TREATING HER LIKE MY PUPPET. All the things I did that’s day which i never thought to do, but I did…..i just hurt her deeply.
But it’s not all my mistake only, she should also try to understand what I want to say, what I was trying to do, trying to say, what actually I mean, and all those stuffs.
Again I said to my mind, “no, i should not think of her anymore”“no, i don’t think of her anymore” !!!.
Again my phone lights up ! It’s was 3:05 am, but this time I clicked on power button, my mind definitely chanting that I don’t think of her anymore; but now, past 30 mins, past 3 hours, past 2 weeks, past 1 month… actually from past 1 year I am just THINKING OF HER EVERYTIME, EVERYWHERE.
I realised it’s was whole my mistake, i realised I should not hold her from flying in sky, i realised I should only help her for getting High in her life Not the reason for being trapped where is she.
I REALISED MY MISTAKE !
I LOVED HER NOT JUST TO ENTER IN HER LIFE BUT ITS MY RESPONSIBILITY FOR BEING A REASON OF SUCCESS IN HER LIFE.
I REALISED !!!
It’s now 3:18 am 18 August 2017, i take out my phone, i typed a message, I wrote what I realised. But i can’t send…. because all those was happened 1 year ago! Now everything ends!
I asked my mind ….do i still have a chance? My heart replies ‘you always have one’.
I learned many things this night !
Never hesitate to say sorry
You always have one another chance
Never try to control or rule your partner
If you said you she/he is your love, then you should try to be the reason of success in her/ his life.
If you truly love your partner, you will never let them go down in life (especially when the reason of getting down is YOU)
But i didn’t send, because I thought I should meet her tomorrow and apologies for my mistake. What I realised what I feels and all those my loves for her!
I went home at 4:15 am 18 August 2017,all were sleeping, silently i open the door and slept near my younger brother. Me and he sleeps at the terrace of your home. My head was up, waiting for next day to meet her ! My eyes are completely sleepless, I looked at moon and again the 1st thought came in my mind was SHE !!. Then I again asked my mind…did i really don’t think of her anymore? Again heart replies….”U NEVER STOPED THINKING OF HER”………..
Suddenly I woke up and realised that I slept and j don’t remember exactly when I slept ….
I was checking my phone ….there was 2 missed calls of her and 18 message….it’s was 10 am and when my eyesight goes on date I shocked.
IT WAS 24 MARCH 2016 !!!!!
I went online, she messaged me like “so as u said yesterday u don’t won’t to live together now onwards? Let everything ends?…. It’s my life time opportunity, it’s my future, it’s my career, u seriously want to make our relationship end now? Because I can’t leave my dream job, it’s my life…….
She had tears in her eye….it’s completely genuine…..she don’t won’t to end this relationship it’s completely visible….
I looked in my text bar……THERE WAS ONE DRAFT MESSAGE, WHICH I WROTE NEAR RAILWAY TRACK AT 3: 18 AM. BUT I AM NOT SURE I WROTE THIS MESSAGE ON 24TH MARCH NIGHT OR 18TH AUGUST……AND I DONT WONT TO KNOW THIS SHIT NOW !!
I sent that message….i apologise to her for my mistake which i almost save to happen.
I DON’T KNOW IT WAS MY DREAM OR WHAT….BUT I REALLY THANK GOD FOR SAVING MY LOVE….AND YES
I THINK OF HER !!
Write In Night 